Sunday, October 2, 2011


Recently while walking in the park, I usually try and walk for an hour, I heard a young man whistling a tune as he went to start up his motorbike, made me think how little we hear anyone whistling a tune.  John does from time to time, and I remember my maternal grandfather (who learnt at a young age to play musical instruments, not that I ever heard him play, photo's show he did) but he was always whistling as he went around gardening etc.                                                                                                                       I love music, but will not sing in front of anyone, when I am on my own though I love to break into song, I was so shy of singing in front of anyone that on one occasion when I was about 13 we had to get up in front of the music class and sing something, I was mortified and stood up but refused to open my mouth, hmm got detention but I still didn't sing, do you think I have a stubborn streak?
My dearest Dad above, I never heard him sing either I guess we where a bit anal about it.  When my dad died in 1997,  14 years ago, there was a song that was very popular at the time called 'Hold on" by R.E.M. first recorded in 1992 so it had been around for a while, it was on that day.  When we where sitting around talking way before this we discussed death and what happens and in conversation I asked my dad to leave a sign to let me know he was around.  Whenever I feel down this song pops up on the radio again, yep heard it the other day, just letting you know I am hear when you need me kid?
At the end he asked me if it was alright if he went, my heart broke, and all I could say was, whenever you are ready dad.  He told me Mum was waiting at the end of the bed the night before and that night he sat bolt upright in bed and exclaimed "Mum" and I knew he'd seen his mother as he never called my mum by that name it was always Darky.  I asked him if he'd like to hold on as my sisters where on there way, but he said he couldn't hold on any longer.  These are the words to that song
When the day is long and the night is yours alone                                                                                        when your sure you've had enough of this life, well, hang on                                                                       Don't let yourself go, cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes                                               I hope you don't mind me sharing this with you, but I do believe this as does Jo who also hears the same song.  With my mum its the smell of a match being struck, but haven't smelt that for a long time.  I am grateful I had that time to say goodbye which my sisters didn't get and we didn't get with mum.                 PS this song was originally written for the experience of going through High School and was later taken up in Britain as the theme song for suicide.  It was voted the song that most affected men followed by Teardrops in Heaven.  Don't quote me on the R.E.M. dates etc, wrote it all down then lost the bit of paper.  Hmm
Live the dream

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